It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
