just come out here and I will go home with you...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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