Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
