I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
