dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
