Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
