You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
