There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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