I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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