sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
