your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
