I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
