So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What a dumb baby whore.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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