Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
