none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
