dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
