My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And then he peed in my hair
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