Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
