hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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