allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
