Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
this hospital has no fireball
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
