you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
