Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
