i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
