I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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