so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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