He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
