Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
