we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
