The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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