i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
