a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
