you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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