found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I deserve this hangover.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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