elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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