If that was your dad, he is hot
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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