:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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