Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
