So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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