Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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