Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
