I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
