and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
