He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Houston, we have a blender
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
