So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
