margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
