That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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