So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
