So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
