new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just pee around me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
