So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
