I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
