You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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